• Phoebe Hoogendyk

Is the pace of your relationship too slow?

Soul Tv episode 310 Is the pace of your relationship too slow? Charlotte loves her partner but is concerned that their relationship is moving too slowly for a solid future together. Our experts help her with readings and insight. Watch 8pm Wed 16 Dec www.soultv.com.au

We are such funny things us human beings. We want certainty in everything! We want to know it is all going to be ok before we venture into anything! We want guarantees! We want, we want, we want. Why can’t we just learn to be? Why can’t we just learn to go with the flow and be appreciative of what we have already? Why do we have to know the future? Why does now depend on what will happen in the future? Why does the now in our relationships depend on if they are going to play out the way we want them to in the future?

You may have guessed that I am a bit passionate about this…lol!

People there are no guarantees in life other that if you are alive right now you will die at some point in the future. What happens in between really is up to you. Born 1944 – Died 2003, buried 2015. Your life is that dash between birth and death. How are you going to live it?

Whether you die before your body does is more to the point. Are you going to let worry about the future or the past control how you feel right now? Life is for living. It is for enjoying and participating in. It is not for worrying about what might be or what has been because one won’t ever come unless you are hell bent on manifesting it and the other has gone. If right now is all good and I mean right now in this moment then all is right with your world. I am talking one moment at a time literally. Yes we do have to plan at times for the future. It is like ordering a pizza…ring up put in the order and then let it be delivered. Worrying is tantamount to checking every five minutes if the pizza place got your order. If you get to a moment when the pizza is late, then you check and take action. The hassling and worrying in-between is using up precious lifetime that can be put to better use especially when it comes to family and relationships. Enjoy every precious moment that you have together.

Take life one moment at a time as much as you can. The one thing our travel and time spent with ancient and tribal cultures has taught us is that there is no time, it does not exist and as a matter of fact it is tabu to mention time. And my passion has led me off the track of this blog a bit but I just needed to get that off my chest. Why am I passionate about wasting time projecting into the future or thinking about the past. Because I have been there and as a perfect imperfect human being I threw away special moments for a future that was not to be.

Meeting Paul as I was coming out of a 22 year marriage in which I had four children put me on a path I had not seen coming. 12 years my junior and with no children of his own I desperately wanted to give him one. Trouble was my fallopian tubes had been tied after the birth of my 4th child as I had not wanted any more….in that relationship. I was not to know that one I did want another in was on the horizon. I had them untied, (tubal reanastomosis) and month after month we mourned not being pregnant to where we were both a little bit miserable and I am sure it affected my daughter who lived with us. It got to the point where I offered to end our marriage so that he could have children with someone else. That is when everything changed. He said to me “I chose you to be with and that is what is important.” From that moment on we began to live each moment together and not project into the future or mourn the past. We have had an amazing life together and each day, each moment is a brand new one filled with love, mutual respect and shared values. Have we had our challenges and do we still? Oh yes and we wouldn’t be without them as they help us grow as individuals and together.

This blog is about a new relationship that seems to be going slower than one partner feels it needs to be. They would like children of their own and the other partner has two from a previous and newly finished marriage. So it may appear, on the surface, that they don’t want the same thing.

Healing from separation and divorce takes time and we all heal differently. If the relationship has got to the place where you are together as a couple then it is time…there is that word again…to find out each other’s values and priorities. If not then more time is needed before you jump into that one or you can discuss them as a general topic when you go out together.

As there are children from a previous marriage to consider in the new relationship then a degree of understanding needs to be in place on the part of both parties as any change would involve all four parties not just the two people concerned. The party without children who wants their own needs to consider how this could change the dynamics of the situation and discuss it openly and honestly with each other and with the other children if they are old enough to understand. If they are very young then they will normally accept the change without much questioning as very young children live only in the moment and will bounce off how you are acting and feeling.

As I mentioned before there are no guarantees in life and therefore none in a relationship. All you can do is enter it with all the love and understanding that you can give. State your values, set your boundaries as to what you would like to happen between you and if they don’t match up then have the courage to leave the situation with as much love as you did coming into it. Oh and remember enjoy every moment of loving and being loved as if it were to be the last one.

Phoebe Hoogendyk




#Phoebe #lettinggo #releasing #past #realtionships