• Phoebe and Paul Hoogendyk

Did you do the right thing walking away?

SOUL TV Episode 231 Did you do the right thing walking away? Whether it's from a relationship, business, family, friendship, there may be a doubt about your decision to leave. Our experts help with ways for you to check this for yourself. Watch 8pm Mon 28 Sept www.soultv.com.au

Deciding to walk away from a situation can range from; as easy as pie with no remorse whatsoever, to incredibly difficult leaving us awash with mixed emotions and feelings that can, if not addressed build up into a huge drama within us and ultimately, outside.

For the most part if it has been easy as pie, and by that we don’t mean you won’t have a tingle of regret or longing for what was, it is for 1 of three very strong reasons:

  1. You have been working on the decision for a long time, weighing up the pros and cons and know without a shadow of a doubt that it will be the best thing for all concerned no matter how painful, the consequences or not, the wrench will be. In other words: you own it!

  2. You have had enough and your head, heart and gut instinct tells you to get the heck out of there right now! And then, once free of the situation, you can look it over and consider the consequences. The regrets may come later.

  3. You just don’t care who gets hurt just so long as you don’t, you have your way and you are comfortable in your world. Harsh we know but the truth from a non-judgemental, purely observational perspective.

Of course there are a range of less strong reasons for all categories. Those “grey” areas. That goes without saying.

  1. Oh and there is a 4th: The no-brainer; a blindingly obvious amazing offer that anyone would be silly to not take. Right?

So you have made the decision to go, now here comes the hard part; actioning it!

It is here that many of us make the most basic mistake of not thinking consequences through thoroughly enough before jumping or we begin to doubt our instincts: that good old self- doubt starts creeping in. Will I miss out on something if I leave? Will people hate me because of my decision? And the list goes on.

Most importantly we may have asked WHY but have we truly answered that very simple but oh so crucial, number 1 question; WHY? Why are we walking away?

It doesn’t matter whether you are leaving a relationship, a business, family or friends that same question needs to be asked and answered looking at the outcomes for all concerned. Then a leaving strategy must be put in place that makes it, whether it is spur of the moment, which is a strategy believe it or not, or a well thought out solution, the best result for all concerned. Understand the ecology of what you are doing. Is it right for me, right for others and right for the planet?

Doubt begins to creep in because we instinctively know that we have not covered all our bases. We have not fully answered the why? We can walk away and walk away and walk away from many situations only to find that the problem is still there. In this case the problem is the common denominator. What is the common denominator in any situation that you are in? Remember that wherever you go, there you be. Got it? Yes! you are the common denominator. You have to own your part in a situation before you can truly understand what it is you are walking away from. If you don’t you will always have regrets especially within relationships, family or otherwise.

There will always be consequences, good and not so good, from any actions we take. Take 100% responsibility for your actions, this is taking your power back, and when you can fully own them, you are then coming from a position of strength and ecology. Not taking responsibility will mean you will spiral around the same or similar situation until you get the lessons needed for you to move on.

Not only must you look at what will happen if you walk you must look at what will happen if you don’t. Future pace yourself. Put yourself into the future having made one decision or the other and see what it looks like in ALL aspects. This will go a long way to helping you to make the right choice. Remember that the word “decision” means to cut off any other choice for the moment. You have decreed that this shall happen.

Both Paul and I have walked away from relationships, businesses and jobs when it didn’t honour us and the direction we were headed. Some we thought long and hard about, for example it took me Phoebe 7 years to walk away from my first marriage simply because children were concerned and the timing needed to be right for all involved. We have both walked on the spur of the moment from jobs and we both knew instinctively that we made the right decision and were able to go with no regrets and no looking back…no “what ifs and if onlys.”

When you are looking at making a big decision like this remember that it will stress your body and could lead to very serious outcomes such as heart problems, cancer and all those sorts of things, if you don’t deal with it or recognise the symptoms of stress, especially in jobs and relationships. As a matter of fact people normally walk on the spur of the moment because the stress of a certain situation has turned to anger and to relieve the pressure we either explode or walk.

The ideal way to deal with this would be to take yourself out of the situation so that you can see what is truly going on. In other words try and distance yourself and view it as though it was a movie and you can see all the players in the story and the many possible outcomes. This will help to not only diffuse the stress but it can help to put everything into perspective. Then with all this knowledge and foresight in hand, make your choice.

No matter what remember there is always choice. It is your choices that have led you to where you are right now and it will be your choices and only your choices that will lead you to where you will always end up, no matter what part someone or something else might have played or will play.

With all that we have said in mind. We have been given a life and it is a gift to be lived as best we can and to the fullest of our abilities. In the end we must personally know ourselves, be ourselves and live true to who we are.

As a street poet so aptly stated: Damned is the man who abandons himself! Ramundo Arruda Sobrinto.

Paul and Phoebe Hoogendyk



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