• Phoebe Hoogendyk

Will my soul mate come back to me?

SOUL TV Episode 203

Will my soul mate come back to me? Diane is intuitive and feels in her soul that her former partner and she are meant to be together, but he keeps stopping the connection. Our experts help her with soul mate insight. Watch 8pm Mon 31 Aug www.soultv.com.au

When thinking about the term SOUL MATE there are two questions to ask yourself:

  • What do you think a soul mate is and why?

  • Why do you think you need to find a soul mate to spend your life with?

It is such a misused and abused term that we have forgotten that a soul mate is just someone who knows who you are without even thinking about it. They are a member of your soul family and as such know you inside out and back to front. They are part of your past, your now and your future but they are not necessarily meant to be your partner. Just because you feel you have a deep connection with someone doesn’t make them your soul mate or your life partner. Personally I like to keep a bit of mystery in my partner relationships and keep my soul mates as my friends simply because they do instinctively know me so well. That is not to say that my partner is not my friend or my soul mate. He is my best friend and that has grown and developed over 30 years of being together. We work really well together and always have from day one. A partnership is a mutual working together on ALL levels. Can you have a partner that you cannot hide ANYTHING about you from?

When one is not as tuned in or as passionate about the relationship, then it just won’t work unless one or both partners compromise themselves to a point where they are no longer who they are. It doesn’t mean they are not in love with you or are not your soul mate, it just means you are not meant to be in an intimate partnership for a life time. It doesn’t matter how “intuitive” you are…it either is or it isn’t meant to be. Have you ever experienced meeting someone or passing them in the street and you immediately “know” them. You feel an instant strong connection but cannot explain why. That is not necessarily a soul mate connection but someone you have recognised from a past life or you simply have recognised something within their soul that connects with yours. Are you meant to be in a relationship? Most likely not.

At a soul level we recognise each other from a past, present, future, parallel, on planet or off planet life time. It doesn’t mean we are all soul mates or are meant to be in a relationship. Yes they feel the connection as well and that connection can be just a strong as yours. If you delve into other “lives” you may be able to find out why it is so and see why you are so attracted to each other and whether it is meant to be this time or not. Be prepared though if you do that, as things are not always the way you think they are. My MDCC or Multi Dimensional Cellular Clearing sessions cover these issues in a safe non-reinfecting way…so to speak.

There are a couple of sayings that come to mind here: That we come into each other’s lives for “a reason, a season or a life time” and the other is “If you truly love something or someone let them go. If they come back then it/they are yours. If they don’t they never were.”

When we give our hearts to someone else because we love them deeply, it doesn’t mean they automatically feel the same way. What attracted you to each other in the first place will always be there. Is it enough to build a life time partnership on? What was it that attracted you in the first place? Do you know what attracted the other person to you in the first place? Is that enough for them to build a lifetime partnership on. What was it that caused the separation and is that still there? Just because YOU want something, doesn’t mean it is going to be that way. Remember there are two different people in the equation not just you.

When one partner moves on and leaves the other searching for answers, our intuition can go out the door because we are so in our hearts one moment and in our heads the next. Jumping from one to the other. Just because you think it is “meant to be” doesn’t make it so. But because you are thinking it, to you it is so and very real.

It is painful when we love so deeply, to let the other person go especially when we “know” we are meant to be together. You know that, they don’t. We hurt so much because we are convinced that the other person feels the same way we do and we cannot understand why, if they feel the same way, they are hurting us so much by leaving. Understand it is your expectations of how things are meant to be that is hurting you…no-one else is. Your knowing no matter how empathic you may be is only ever filtered through your understanding of how the world is…no-one elses. You may have a strong understanding of someone elses feelings etc but you can never fully “know” them as well as you know you.

We have to realise and acknowledge at some point that the feelings are coming just from ourselves and not from the other person. They may say that they feel a connection and of course they will based on what you have already experienced together and that first connection. And their answer or acknowledgement of that connection can also be coming from the ego which wants validation of how we make another person feel…power and control…maybe!

We can never really know how the other person is feeling so to save ourselves a whole lot of heartache and pain and the other person as well, it is best to let go, move on and let yourself heal. Taking all the learnings, lessons and positive moments with you. I am not saying it will be easy. The mourning period for getting over a lost love is normally 12 to 18 months. If it has gone on any longer then it is time to admit that you are the one “holding on” to something that has gone or you want. So what you do and how you behave now is going to show yourself and others how far you have come in understanding relationships and how far you have yet to go.

When we say to someone, “I love you” you are putting the responsibility of your love onto them. That is a huge thing to do to someone else. It is better to own your own feelings by restating it in a different way that says you own your feelings and are taking responsibility for how you feel: “I love the way I feel when I am with you!” Then when they leave your heart stays with you and you can let them go with as much love as you put into your coming together. When you own your own feelings you understand what is coming from you and what is coming from the other person. Let them go and find themselves and if it is meant to be it will be. No amount of wishful thinking will make something happen that is not meant to be. What WILL happen is something that neither of you will want.

In this situation it is good to question your “inner knowing” and look more deeply at it….is it a true knowing or something you have convinced yourself that you want at such a deep level that you cannot separate the “truth” out from the “knowing.”

If you keep bumping into the person who has moved on when you go out it is because unconsciously or consciously you have taken yourself to a place where you know they will be or could turn up. Be honest here! The best thing is to move on with your life making a new one which does not include the other person. Go to new places, meet new people, do new things.

We give our clients a technique that cuts the ties to anything or anyone that no longer serves who you are so you can move on and so can they.

CD called “Release”: http://www.ancientpathways.com.au/#!mp3s/c209b

Take each day as it comes and live that one without projecting into the future. Be honest with yourself. Find a friend or person to talk to who knows you or a professionally trained therapist who will pull you up when you are being dishonest about how things really are, who will stop you from being self-indulgent. Ask yourself why you want this relationship? Does the other person want it and if they don’t, why would you want to be with someone, soul mate or not, who doesn’t want to be with you the same way you want to be with them? Remember why you broke up in the first place, can you change or learn more about who you are and who they are to take your relationship to a new or different place and take the positive learnings from that with you. Be kind to yourself and those around you. Lift your head up, smile through your tears and take that first step into your new life remembering that until you change your thoughts nothing else is going to change. It is a process that will take courage and time. If you choose to move forward and heal and it is your choice, give yourself time. Time and your choices will heal all wounds.

Phoebe Hoogendyk